'I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me'.
This is the top regret on Bronnie Ware’s popular blog post, ‘the top five regrets of the dying’, based on her experience as a live-in carer for terminally ill patients.
How many of us live a life that is shaped by what other people think? Based on other people’s expectations of us?
After the birth of my daughter, I had a 12 month break from work and then returned to work two days each week. People would say “how lucky are you?”. I would respond “You should do it too. I love it.” And they used to scoff and laugh. I would let them know I was serious but they could not imagine working part-time.
My husband is self-employed and will occasionally take Fridays off to have a long weekend away. Or he may play golf on Monday afternoons. He is literally heckled by others every time he does this. Why? Because it does not fit with their expectation that if you are a hard-worker, you have to work five days each week.
It takes a lot of courage to live a life that does not fit with other people’s expectations.
It takes a lot of courage to change your life. To break out of the mold of climbing the corporate ladder. Of earning more and more money. Of spending more and more money. Of working ‘full-time’. Of having access to paid sick leave, public holidays, long service leave and guaranteed superannuation contributions.
But as they say, if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
What does it mean to live a life true to yourself? I think it is taking the time to reflect on when we feel best about ourselves. When we are truly engaged in doing something we love. When we feel we are being the best version of ourselves. When time flies. When we are completely absorbed. When we are energised by what we are doing. When we are in the ‘flow’.
What assumptions do you have that you can challenge—that are based on others’ expectations?
Do we have to work full-time? Do we have to go back to work after 12 months of maternity leave? Do we have to retire at age 65?
Reflecting on these questions and being honest with our answers.
And then taking the time to think about what that means for our work. And how we could spend more of our time in flow.
The answer doesn’t have to involve throwing in the towel. It may involve a change to your current role, a change in projects, a change to your hours of work, a change to your place of work.
What will it take to look at your life and say ‘I live my life with courage—a life designed by me’?
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